Serial Cereal Killer

from Betta Version by Blake Bernett

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lyrics

Well I woke up early one morning
Got dressed by half-past-six
Went down to grab some breakfast
But something was amiss

I had a glass of orange juice
Which I very much enjoyed
But when I opened my pantry, well
My corn flakes were destroyed!

The box was all torn up!
Spilled upon the ground!
I knew what it meant
A serial cereal killer in our town

I dialed 9-1-1
She said "How can I help you, ma'am?"
I said "officer, please check
Do you have any Raisin Bran?"

She said "Buddy, you've got some nerve
Prank calling the police--"
I said "Officer, just trust me
Go check your pantry, please!"

She said "All right, I'll check
If it means that much to you
Let's see...
Oh God!
There's a serial cereal killer on the loose!"

So lock your cupboards tight
And don't check your grocery flyer
Police are on the lookout
For a killer with good fibre

There's nothing I love more than breaking into some poor, unsuspecting victim's home
Making my way across their tiled kitchen floor in the dead of the night
Reaching into their silverware drawer for the biggest knife I can find
That's when I open up their pantry to grab a box of
Frosted Flakes, or
Froot Loops, or
Cheerios
And it begins

Well I thought that for the rest of my life
I'd be eating beans and bread
But the serial cereal killer
He turned up dead

The SCK was killed
By a guy named Johnny Fly
And Johnny was arrested 'cause
Well, because he killed a guy

The moral of this story
Of this four-minute thriller
Is that there’s a grave difference
Between a cereal killer
And a serial serial cereal killer killer

credits

from Betta Version, released June 30, 2018

license

some rights reserved

about

Blake Bernett Montreal, Québec

Montreal artist who writes songs about video games, public transit, and breakfast cereal.

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